


yes, I think we've met before

by Skarmoree



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: (mostly), (their name is Aelyth), Alternate Timelines, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Canon Compliant, Hurt/Comfort, I guess???, Lysithea is mentioned two (2) times, M/M, Minor Annette Fantine Dominic/Mercedes von Martritz, Nonbinary My Unit | Byleth, Soulmates, but also not bc it jumps, there's also a lot of uuuuuuuuh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:47:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23820307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skarmoree/pseuds/Skarmoree
Summary: "Sorry," he said, tilting his head as he looked Felix over, "it's just, I think we've met before?"A lifetime ago, Felix would have said yes.Each timeline plays out a little different, but there is a constant in Felix and Sylvain.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Sylvain Jose Gautier, Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 6
Kudos: 63





	yes, I think we've met before

**Author's Note:**

> yo whaddup i've been playing 3 houses for the first time and these boys have my whole heart i love them
> 
> I hit their A+ support and went into a blackout writing haze for a week and came out with this

_Variant 11612, Day 8187_

Felix woke a minute before his alarm went off, eyes flying open as he desperately tried to hold on to details of his dream.

It was like holding smoke, however, and as quickly as he could recall the images and words, they slipped right through his fingers.

All except for an inexplicable feeling of loss, heavy in his chest.

He let out a long breath, the tension refusing to ease up at the action, and resigned himself to a long day.

This had been happening more and more often of late, Felix found. It wasn't necessarily bad, just... strange. Like he was missing something, but couldn't remember what.

Sighing, Felix pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes, granted a slight satisfaction when they came back dry. Sometimes, he woke up crying, unsure as to why.

Today he just felt empty.

* * *

_Variant 29570, Day 10502_

"You're up late," Sylvain said, stepping out onto the balcony of their apartment to stand next to Felix, "Something up?"

The city, bathed in orange light from the streets, was quiet. Felix sighed, leaning into Sylvain and letting him wrap an arm around his waist.

"Nightmare." he said shortly, staring out at the empty road beneath them. Usually there were a few cars out, people driving home from work or a late night out, but right now there was nothing. The peace was soothing, which is why Felix found himself out here in the first place.

Sylvain hummed quietly, resting his chin of top of Felix's head. "Actual event or a what-if?"

Felix let his eyes slide shut. "What-if."

It had felt real, in the moment, so devastatingly real. But now, awake and watching the city sleep when he couldn't, he was able to sift through and figure out the things his mind had created.

He could still feel the electricity running through his veins, around his fingers. The fire Sylvain had released, heat a sign of danger rather than the usual comfort it gave.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Sylvain asked softly, hand finding Felix's and lacing their fingers together.

Felix opened his mouth to say no, but paused, the words dying on his tongue. Instead, he nodded stiffly, eyes still closed.

Sylvain waited in silence, breath warm on Felix's hair.

"We..." he started slowly, "we were in a war. On opposite sides."

The battle had been loud, armour and weapons clashing, the yells and cries of people and their mounts. Felix shivered involuntary, and Sylvain squeezed his hand. He squeezed back.

"And?"

"I wouldn't - I--" Felix stopped, words catching in his throat.

Sylvain brought his other arm up to fully hug Felix, dropping a kiss into his hair, waiting for him to start again.

"You asked if I remembered the promise we made as kids."

Felix hadn't met his boyfriend until he started college, but in the nightmare that hadn't been the case. They had known each other their whole lives, parting ways when the war began to only be brought back together to cross swords.

The memory of that alone was enough to twist Felix's stomach. 

In the distance, a siren started wailing.

"What was the promise?" Sylvain asked softly once the sound had faded away, moving to the other side of the city and leaving them in silence once more.

The noise in Felix's head was louder than ever.

"We-" Felix hesitated, playing with his and Sylvain's joined hands, anything to drown out the noise. "We promised that we would die together."

"Intense," Sylvain commented, and Felix let out a half-laugh. It died quickly at he watched flashes of the battle beneath his eyelids.

A sword, bloodstained and dirty. Sylvains eyes open, unseeing, body broken from his fall from his horse.

Felix swallowed before continuing. "And I broke it. I killed you."

There was a long pause where Sylvain did nothing but hold Felix, warm and solid and _alive._ Felix breathed in and out in time with him, trying to forget the look in Sylvain's eyes, the aching sadness when they had faced each other.

_("Well, seems we're about to kill each other.")_

Felix couldn't forget how resigned Sylvain had sounded, bringing up his lance. Couldn't forget the forced hardness of his own voice when he'd responded.

_("Sorry Sylvain, you'll die first.")_

"Even if we were ever to go to war, that would never happen." Sylvain eventually said, and Felix's eyes shot open at his words.

"Are you sure?" He didn't mean to sound so hesitant, so timid.

"Yes," Sylvain said with certainty, pulling back so he could look at Felix. Felix usually would avoid eye contact where possible, but Sylvain set a gentle hand on his cheek - soft, too soft to hold a weapon - meeting his gaze. "Because I would follow you, wherever you went."

* * *

_Variant 11612, Day 8187_

Felix jolted as his alarm rang out, scrambling for his phone and nearly knocking it off his bedside table to the floor. He caught it, missing the button several times before finally turning it off and meeting with his lock screen. He started his morning routine of reading through the notifications that accumulated through the night - not that there were many, any group chat he was added into was immediately muted - coming across a set of texts from Annette.

_> don't forget our double date today! ;P  
> Mercie's excited to see you again  
> please, please, p l e a s e wear nice shoes. if i have to see those ratty old trainers again i'm gonna cry  
> your date offered to pay btw so dw bout that!   
> its his dads money and Mercie said he's a part of the bad dad squad so don't feel guilty bout spending it lol_

Felix scoffed a little to himself. Almost everyone he knew was part of the shitty dad squad - the only person he could think of that didn't count was Aelyth, but their father had passed nearly five years ago. 

Shaking the thought, Felix set his phone down again without actually opening the messages, swinging his legs off the edge of his bed to begin his morning routine for real.

A double date. He had completely forgotten that Annette had roped him into yet another one of these, ignoring the complete disaster the last three had been. Felix hadn't cared enough to even remember their names. He simply wasn't interested in dating.

But he couldn't say no to Annette, not when she turned those big blue eyes against him.

Felix let his mind wander as he made his way into the kitchen, grabbing a half-empty bottle of iced coffee from the fridge. It would tide him over until the date, no point making a full breakfast when he was going out for brunch.

Brunch. Only Annette.

Felix would be lying if he said he didn't have a soft spot for her, but some of her ideas and plans were so cliche he was left to wonder if she got them from watching movies and teen dramas. He knew Mercedes had gotten both of them in on the period romances (not that he would ever admit to them that he enjoyed them. They would never let him forget).

Taking one last sip, Felix screwed the cap back on and set it down on the bench so he could finish getting ready, ducking back into his room again.

Dark jeans, black turtleneck and his favourite jacket, no point dressing up fancy when he was making no plans to see the guy again.

He almost wore the trainers.

* * *

_Variant 270, Day 13244_

The only thing that proved that time had passed was the fact that they were more expressive - or maybe Felix was just better at reading their emotions than he used to be. Six years fighting in a war allowed him to see when smiles were faked, when people were saying something with only their eyes.

Green eyes, holding the secrets of the world. Green eyes, so bright they almost gave off a glow.

Felix knew the face.

He knew the face, but couldn't pair a name with it. It was on the tip of his tongue, and he mentally floundered for a moment, searching for the right words to say.

"Thanks for the hospitality, Professor," was what came out, and Felix was thrown for a second. The person in front of him was a professor? They didn't look it. They looked younger than Felix, though something in the back of his head said it wasn't always that way. "I hope we can do this again soon."

"You've never expressed a liking to my tea parties before," they said, quirking an eyebrow so subtly Felix almost missed it, bringing their teacup to their lips.

"Yeah, well, things change." he said, trying to avoid their intense gaze. From the corner of his eye, he watched another microexpression cross their face. Amusement of some sort. He fought the urge to say something sharp, instead biting the inside of his cheek as they took a sip, watching him over the edge of their teacup.

"Sylvain says you've become fond of tea in the garden," they punctuated their words by setting their cup down again with a clink, "and cake, was it?"

Felix pointedly continued to not look at them. "Better me than he go torturing some innocent girl." he mumbled.

"You don't truly believe he has stopped in his philandering ways?"

"I've known him all my life," Felix said with a halfhearted shrug. His words sounded bitter, resigned. "More than anyone, I know how it goes. Just because he's Margrave and has more responsibilities doesn't mean he'll stop. I know every move before he makes it."

"Do you?" they hummed.

"Cryptic as always, I see," Felix chuckled, ducking his head for a moment, before returning his gaze to his conversation partner. They gave a tiny smile, corners of their lips quirking upwards.

Their eyes really did seem to glow.

"Now," they said, resting an elbow on the table, chin in hand, "to business."

"Was wondering when you'd circle back to that," Felix said wryly.

The conversation had taken a detour through _cats,_ of all things, after the Professor had found out Felix had gotten a little tortoiseshell to help around the Estate.

"Has Sylvain sent you his proposal yet?"

Felix's knee jerked into the table, the only thing stopping the teapot from spilling onto the clean white tablecloth being the Professor's quick reflexes. With no change in expression, they effortlessly steadied the table again, not a drop of tea wasted. 

"Pr-propo _sal_?" Felix's voice pitched up on the final syllable, and he hid his mouth behind his hand, turning away from the table.

"To merge the Gautier and Fraldarius territories." the Professor continued innocently before Felix could fall any deeper into the spiral.

"O-oh. Yes, y-yeah. Of course. That's what you meant. The merge- yes," Felix fumbled, fighting the heat in his cheeks, "We've been talking about it for a while, but just got approval. The official documents are currently being drafted." 

He took a deep breath, picking up his teacup and inhaling the spiced scent to calm his nerves.

He realised too late the bright spark in the Professor's eyes as he took a sip.

"And what of his marriage proposal?"

Felix choked, spilling the rest of his cup down his front and hacking up half a lung in the process.

The Professor took a calm sip as if nothing had happened.

"P-professor!" he managed to get out between coughs.

They sighed almost imperceptibly, pushing their saucer a millimetre to the left. "Felix, it's been years since I was your teacher. I would prefer if you called me by my actual name."

Felix scowled, grabbing a napkin and wiping at his shirt. At least the tea had cooled enough to be harmless, but he doubted his shirt would retain its original colour after this. "...I don't know it," he said after a moment, rubbing at a particularly dark spot.

They tilted their head to one side, eyes narrowing a fraction. Green, green, green, analysing him from the inside out. 

"Oh," they said, "really?"

He slouched a little in his seat. "Never cared enough at the Academy to learn it."

A lie. He knew their name, he _knew_ he did. So what was it? Why couldn't he remember?

It suddenly occurred to him that he couldn't recall anyone's name outside of his own and Sylvain's. The realisation didn't scare him as much as it probably should have. He would know if he saw their faces, same as how one could never remember a voice exactly until you heard it again.

Yet there was a face in front of him, and their name was still out of reach. 

The Professor set down their teacup again, eyes never leaving Felix's face.

"Can- can you stop looking at me so intently?" he mumbled, ducking his head. He gave up trying to mop up the mess of tea, twisting the dirtied napkin in his hands.

"Sorry," they said, shifting their gaze to just past his right ear.

A pause.

"Did you really never hear anyone else call me by name?"

He shook his head, still staring at the napkin. "You were always _teach_ or _professor._ Even during the war."

"Oh," they said again.

Another pause, their eyes sliding back to Felix's face. He took to focusing on a leaf by his feet.

"You're dreaming," they said after a while. Felix's gaze snapped back to them, and they blinked slowly.

"What?"

"You're dreaming right now," they shifted their saucer again, turning it around so the painted pattern lined up with the table. "The flow of time is tangled and fraying. You're Felix, but not this Felix, the one meant to be here. He's asleep right now, waiting to come back."

He had no idea what they meant. They smiled.

Six years fighting in a war allowed him to see when smiles were faked.

* * *

_Variant 839, Day 8103_

He died for honour.

He died a true knight.

He died protecting the Prince.

The narrative repeated itself.

Ingrid never breathed a word about it, but he could see her watch him from afar. He could hear her hushed conversations with the Boar, when they thought he was too focused on training to overhear. 

He hated it. He hated them. He hated his father, hated Glenn, hated the whispers that followed him wherever he went.

He hated the Boar. Hated how despite everything, they were still defined by the dead instead of the living.

Felix kept his head down whenever he walked past a mirror.

Ghosts were never meant to be seen.

Sylvain found his way into Felix's room more nights than not, holding him close. Side by side, hand in hand.

Before Gronder, Felix would have fought against it. He didn't need protecting.

Before Gronder, he would have shoved Sylvain away, telling him to go find a girl to cuddle instead.

But he never said a word, and Sylvain never tried to fill the silence.

_I see you_

Sylvain's actions said everything he needed to. He said it in the brush of their fingertips, in the soft knocks on the door. He said it in the way he tied Felix's hair back, tugging out the tangles with gentle movements. He said it in the food he brought Felix whenever he noticed that he had skipped a meal, or didn't eat enough at the table. He said it in every silence, every start and stop.

 _I see you, and you are not the ghosts that haunt you_.

* * *

_Variant 11612, Day 8187_

Felix held onto the railing above his head, music blasting in his ears as he watched the graffiti on the tunnel walls rush by in painted blurs. The music didn't quite drown out the usual bustle of city transit, but he was well trained in tuning out the rest.

Somebody bumped into his side, and he shifted his weight to the other side to allow them to pass. 

The blurs became images once more, different to the messy tags and unimaginative dicks that lined the concrete. Red, warm browns and soft teals. An easy smile, a quirked eyebrow.

The feeling of loss was back, weighing on his chest.

Felix shook himself back into awareness, letting go of the railing to skip the song he was currently listening to, deciding to blame it for the return of the mood, and decidedly _not_ the looming double date.

He'd done this before, and had never felt this way about it. He balked at the idea that it was first date jitters. He'd never had them before, and today was no different to those other times. He didn't care about this, it was just a favour to his friend.

It would be nice to catch up to Annette and Mercedes again, it had been too long.

("It would feel like less if you'd return my texts, silly!" Annette complained every time.

Felix staunchly refused.)

Food was food, regardless on who was paying. Sure, he was travelling halfway across the city to get it, and hanging with a guy he'd never even met before today - he didn't even know his name - but the cafe they'd settled on was a favourite of theirs.

Felix leant against the movements of the train as it pulled into the next station, throwing a cursory glance at the screens. One more stop until he got off, and then a ten minute walk to reach the place. He took the pause in travel as an opportunity to take another swig of his iced coffee.

The song faded out into an ad, and Felix grimaced. He was too stubborn to pay for a subscription, but too proud to leech off a friend's. Some day he would bite the bullet and pay, but for now, he sat through the ads, turning the volume down a few clicks.

The train jolted forward again, and Felix's balance was thrown for a moment before he was able to fling his free hand up to the railing and grip it tight.

This time, he kept his eyes on his boots, ignoring the coloured blurs outside the train window.

* * *

_Variant 97, Day 8273_

The war was over. 

The war was over, and they had won.

Whatever Sylvain had said to Felix was lost in the cheers of celebration, even though they were already shouting at each other to be heard.

Sylvain's hand never left Felix's, fingers laced together tightly as he led him through the crowd.

The smile never left Felix's face.

* * *

_Variant 890735, Day 8107_

_Lord Rodrigue was indeed a great man._

The words followed Felix around Garreg Mach like a shadow, punctuated with every pitiful glance the soldiers sent his way, every reassuring smile.

The Boar may have been rising back from the fall, but Felix was close to the edge, pushed further and further with every person who offered up their condolences.

They were the same words that had been repeated endlessly after Duscur, after Glenn.

Rodrigue was remembered as a hero, a noble sacrifice.

Glenn was remembered as an honourable knight, brave until the end.

They were never remembered as a father, as a brother. That was all he had ever wanted from them, even after he had grown older and jaded.

Felix had never wanted them to be remembered as great men.

He wanted the brother from before he was knighted, with a quick tongue and even quicker sword hand. The father from before he got so wound up in grief over losing his eldest he forgot about the second-born.

Felix understood death well. His mother had died of the same plague as the Queen when he was four, and the conversation where his father had to explain it to him was permanently etched into his memory.

("Sometimes people leave, Felix," Rodrigue had said quietly, shoulders pushed down by an invisible weight. "Sometimes we can't stop it, and they're gone too soon."

"Where do they go?"

He had been filled with such childish innocence. 

Rodrigue had knelt down, wrapping his arms around both his sons. "Sometimes they go to live somewhere else, and sometimes... they just leave."

"Don't sugarcoat it," Glenn had muttered, pushing out of his embrace and stalking away.

Felix couldn't remember another time when his father had hugged him.)

"Thought I would find you here."

It was the witching hours, the moon dark outside of a tiny sliver. Felix sat on the edge of the dock, staring out at the dark ripples in the water of the fish pond. The footfalls changed sound from stone to wood as they approached.

"Go back to bed, Sylvain," Felix grumbled, wrapping his arms around his knees. "I'm sure whatever lady you've seduced for tonight is getting cold."

Sylvain sat down next to Felix, one leg drawn up against his chest, the other splayed out in front of him. Felix knew it was a still-healing injury from the last battle - not enough to cause a limp, but enough to cause stiffness for the next couple of weeks. He was meant to be resting his leg, not walking the grounds of the Monastery on it in the dead of night.

(Felix had killed the soldier who had attacked Sylvain.

He didn't kill the girl who tried to take out the Boar with a cheap shot after the fighting was done.

Neither did his father. The fool had thrown himself onto the blade instead.)

"No lady," Sylvain said, and it took a moment for Felix to remember what he had said to elicit that as a response from him. He huffed, eyes trained on the silver scales of a fish as it looped lazily under the water's surface. "I'm serious - it would be really insensitive of me."

"When have you ever cared about that?" Felix muttered, setting his chin on his knees.

Sylvain nodded as if to say 'fair enough', "Guess it was a while ago, huh?" he said. "Nine years or so."

Felix stiffened. Nine years, nearly a decade.

Was he destined to follow the same path as his father and brother in another nine?

"I was so worried for Ingrid, y'know?" Sylvain continued, unaware of Felix's thoughts. "And you, I guess. That hasn't changed," he leant back on his hands, staring at the slice of moonlight above, "that will never change."

They sat in the silence of the night, every so often interrupted by a splash of a fish as it moved through the water. 

Finally, the silence became too much for Felix to bear. Resting a cheek on his knees, he turned to glance at Sylvain, only for his breath to catch in his chest.

Sylvain's face was mostly in shadow, brown eyes shining in the tiny light the moon gave off. His hair fell into his face just so, curling as it rested on the back of his neck and around the shell of his ear.

Felix couldn't remember another time where Sylvain had looked so... soft.

"Why are you out here?" Felix got out eventually, and Sylvain hummed in response, smile turning the corners of his mouth. 

"Because I knew you would be."

Felix snorted, turning away again, hoping that the darkness of the night was enough to hide the heat in his cheeks. "That's not an answer."

* * *

_Variant 11612, Day 8187_

Everything seemed so mundane today, and Felix wasn't sure if he could chalk it up entirely to the weight in his chest.

The sky agreed with him in any case, he noted as he reached street level. It was a dull grey threatening rain.

It had rained the day that-

The day that _what?_

Felix's thoughts cut off, leaving him frozen in the subway entrance. he grappled with his internal monologue, trying to figure out what it had nearly led into.

It pointed back to the very same sense of loss as this morning.

Felix nearly yelled out in anger and confusion, unable to understand why today of all days this was happening.

Maybe if he was able to recall the details about his dream, he would place a blame to this sensation, but...

Someone smacked into Felix's shoulder, yelling at him for blocking the entrance. Felix flipped him off, stalking away in the opposite direction.

The rain began to fall, cold and misty, too light to even warrant an umbrella.

He didn't bring one anyway.

* * *

_Variant 736, Day 8101_

It was raining. 

Felix's hair stuck to his face as he sat on the edge of Gronder Field, any blood that had remained on his skin from the battle hours ago already washed away.

They were going to march back to Garreg Mach in the morning, but for now, Felix sat, soaked to the bone, staring out at the mud-slick field through the haze.

"Hey," Sylvain said softly, and Felix stared up at him, rain clinging to his fringe and eyelashes. He had a bandage stuck to one cheek, a fresh bruise blooming underneath it. "Aelyth was looking for you."

"So they sent their little scouting party after me? I'm honoured." There was no bite to Felix's words, no heat. He looked down again, blinking the water from his eyes.

"They're just worried," Sylvain said, dropping down to sit next to Felix, setting a warm hand on his shoulder, "we all are."

Felix shoved Sylvain off again, refusing to look back to him. He knew what expression he had.

He didn't want Sylvain's pity.

They sat in silence for what could have been hours, Felix slowly drifting back to slot himself into Sylvain's side. His arm wrapped around Felix's shoulders, and this time he didn't fight against it, leaning into the warmth he provided.

Nine years. He was thirteen again, hearing the news about Duscur.

Nine years. He was four again, hearing the news about Mother.

Nine years. Nine years before the world sought to tear another person from his grasp.

Would it try to take Sylvain from him? 

Part of Felix told him to run, to leave. Distance himself from Sylvain to prevent him from being led to his death. It was a curse, destined to strike again.

The other part of Felix couldn't bear to tear himself from Sylvain's side. He couldn't remember a time without Sylvain - there had never been one. 

"Why did he do it?" Felix eventually whispered, pressing closer to Sylvain's side. 

Sylvain didn't answer, the only indication that he heard being a stutter in his breathing.

He didn't need to say anything, not really. They both knew why.

Time wore on. The rain continued to fall.

Sylvain pretended not to notice the tears falling freely down Felix's face.

* * *

_Variant 5772143, Day 6173_

"I'll see you after class babe- _oh_ I'm so sorry!"

Felix growled as he rounded the corner of the hallway and collided with someone's chest, sending his textbooks everywhere. He huffed, crouching down to pick everything up again.

"Here, lemme help-"

"I don't need help." Felix bit out, snatching a book out of their hands when they held it out to him.

"I'm truly sorry though, seriously - I was distracted and in the way, I didn't realise you were around the corner - god, sorry, I'm just-"

"Shut up."

To his dull satisfaction, they actually listened.

For a second.

"Hey, I don't think I've seen you around before. Are you new here?"

Felix cursed the fact that his life was turning into a high school romance movie.

He glanced up for a second, catching sight of red hair framing golden brown eyes, fringe falling forwards before it was brushed back with one hand and an easy smile.

He looked down again, focusing on picking up the rest of his books instead of the face in front of him that he unfortunately recognised.

Gautier.

"Shy?" he teased. "Well, I'm Sylvain."

Felix's life was _not_ going to become a high school rom-com. 

"Sorry again about the-" Sylvain waved a hand about, in the corner of Felix's vision. "Is there something I can do to make it up to you?"

"Yeah," Felix said tersely, stacking his final book onto his pile and getting back to his feet, "go away."

"Cold," Sylvain commented. Felix huffed, shouldering past him. "H-hey wait!"

Sylvain jogged a couple steps in front, turning around so he could talk to Felix, arms tucked behind his head. 

Felix noted the fact that he had no bag, no books. He probably was the kind of student to ask for a pencil only to lose it before they could return it.

"You're going to bump into someone," Felix grumbled, watching Sylvain's feet as he walked backwards. "You already hit me."

"Nah," Sylvain grinned, "nobody around here likes getting close to me. Too much bad rep."

Felix nearly asked why, before he remembered who he was talking to. He hadn't met him in person until now - which made sense, considering that Sylvain was two grades above, but Ingrid had warned him on his first day to steer clear of him.

(She had marched to the other side of the school to eat when she caught sight of him with his tongue down the throat of a girl in their grade during lunch. Felix had followed her, agreeing that it was disgusting to watch, especially when eating.

"An ex?" Felix had asked. Ingrid laughed, cold and harsh.

"God, no," she had replied, waving a strip of beef jerky in the air. "We grew up together, along with--" her face had fallen, and she hurriedly took a large bite.

Felix didn't ask anything more, and the conversation was dropped. Not his business.)

In the week Felix had been at Garreg Mach, he had seen Sylvain with no less than three different girls. He was willing to put money on the chance that he'd been chatting up a fourth before their collision.

"I don't think I caught your name." Sylvain said, turning around again and falling in step with Felix. 

Felix pursed his lips, still watching the floor. "Good."

"Aww, c'mon, don't be like that!"

* * *

_Variant 89745, Day 7992_

Sylvain sighed, forearms on his knees as he sat slouched forward in a pew. "I don't think he's moved in days."

"Aelyth keeps checking in on him," Ingrid said, "tries to convince him to sleep and eat. They're the only one he listens to, and even then it's not much."

Sylvain let out a dry huff of laughter, but Felix could tell his heart wasn't in it. "They always did show favouritism back in our Academy days. Wish life was still that simple."

Felix scoffed from where he stood leaning against a pillar. "You know it can hear you, right? This place is designed to let sound carry."

"... I miss our Dimitri," Ingrid said quietly. She pulled her legs up to her chin on the pew, drawing her arms around herself. "from before the war started. Before Duscur."

"The Boar's always been like this," Felix jerked his head away from the pitiful mound of fur. "You just didn't see it until it was too late."

"You used to be his best friend," Ingrid said, "you followed him everywhere with stars in your eyes."

"I followed all of you like that," he retorted, lip curling. "I was a child."

"We all were," Sylvain said. He sighed, long and loud. "What happened to us?"

"Time," Ingrid's voice was meek, "tragedy."

Felix folded his arms, still looking out over the crooked rows of pews instead of at the others. "Are you done being all poetic?"

"Don't act like you don't care." Ingrid's voice had taken an edge, and Felix frowned.

"It's not an act. I don't."

"You used to," she pressed, "when Glenn--"

"Don't you _dare_ finish that sentence!" Felix spat, turning to glare at Ingrid. She stared back, unwavering, but didn't continue.

Sylvain let his head drop, tangling his fingers in his hair. "I'm scared of what this war will do to us," he said after a tense silence, "I'm scared that one day, I'll get used to the killing."

"It's been five years, you _should_ be used to it."

"What makes you so different to Dimitri, then?" Ingrid asked, still staring at Felix. "If you call him a monster for killing, then turn around and do the same?'

"I don't take pleasure in the action, so don't compare me to that beast." Felix could feel himself sneer, teeth bared.

Sylvain's smile was was bitter, lips thin. "You care, Felix," he said, and Felix ground his teeth together, "more than any of us, you _care._ You're just afraid it will be perceived as weakness."

Felix had never hated the fact that he grew up alongside Ingrid and Sylvain more than in this moment. 

"Looking at the Boar makes me sick." he growled, pushing off the pillar and stalking away without giving them another chance to speak.

* * *

_Variant 3347, Day 7202_

"Man, this sucks," Sylvain said from next to Felix, arms behind his head as he took in their surroundings - a battlefield, littered with bodies and discarded weapons.

"That's the only way you could think of describing this?" Felix muttered, wiping the blood off his blade. Sylvain's expression dropped.

"Just trying to keep the mood light," he said, "morale's getting real low, so somebody's gotta stay upbeat, y'know?"

"It's getting low because we're _losing,_ " Felix tucked the cloth into his belt, returning his sword to his sheath. He didn't raise his head. "If my old man would put his full attention on the front instead of his dumb search, we might actually have a chance."

There was a pause, Sylvain brushing his fringe from his face.

In the last few years it had gotten longer, easier to tame. The opposite was true for Felix's, which was just getting long enough to tie back again.

(A dying soldier had looked up through the blood running down his face, breathing shallow and sharp.

"Glenn?" he had gasped, hand wavering as he raised it up, as if trying to dispell the illusion.

Felix was older now than Glenn had ever been.

"I'm here." Felix had answered, kneeling down next to him. He grasped his hand, holding it tight between the two of them until the man had stopped breathing.

The next day he took a knife to his hair. He was not his brother.)

"You don't think Dimitri is still alive?" Sylvain said quietly, setting a foot on top of a helmet and rolling it back and forth. His tone was distant, and Felix recognised it. It was the same one he always used when talking about their old classmates.

"I don't care either way."

The rolling noise stopped, Sylvain's foot stilling. Felix let out a sharp breath through his nose. "What?" he snapped, turning to watch Sylvain's face.

He smiled, the action stopping before it finished, never reaching his eyes. "I think you do," Sylvain said, voice even softer than before.

Felix turned away again, sneer curling his lips. "Shut up and help me search these bodies."

* * *

_Variant 719, Day 1522_

"No!" Felix squirmed in his father's arms, trying to reach the ground. "I wanna play with Mitri!"

"Not until after dinner," the grip on Felix only tightened, and he struggled more. "Felix, please, behave yourself."

"No!" he shouted again, kicking his feet.

"Uh oh," Glenn called, not looking up from his and Sylvain's game, "somebody needs a nap."

"I don't wanna nap!" Felix yelled, driving his tiny fists into his father's shoulder. "I wanna play with Mitri!"

"Dimitri can't play until after his own dinner."

"Can't play if the other kid's conked out," Glenn piped up again, casually leaning across the couch to grab the remote and turning the volume of the TV up so it could be heard over Felix's tantrum. "You know he also has a nap at this time, right Felix?"

Sylvain's eyes weren't on the game, idly clicking buttons on the controller in his hands as he watched Felix cry into his father's chest. "I can play with him, if you'd like," he offered.

"Don't encourage this behaviour, Sylvain," 

"Yeah," Glenn smirked, still not looking away from the screen. "treat him like a baby and he always will be one." 

The match ended, Glenn's character striking a victory pose to a bright fanfare. Sylvain started, turning back with mild dismay. 

"No! No, no, no _no!_ "

"Felix, this is getting tiring," his father said, grabbing one arm and holding it to stop Felix from beating him in the chest, "if you don't nap, you get grouchy."

"He's grouchy already."

"Glenn," it was a warning tone, and Glenn's smirk only grew as he lifted his arms in surrender, controller in one hand. 

"Okay, okay..." He turned back to the game, closing the results screen.

Sylvain knocked his shoulder into Glenn's, leaning in to say something to him, drowned out by Felix's yells. Glenn slowly nodded in agreement.

"Do you want me to take him?"

Felix stilled at that, sniffling loudly. "Can we play?" he asked, rubbing at his eyes in an attempt to stop the tears.

"I'll do you one better," Glenn said, setting his controller down and getting to his feet, "do you want to hear a story?" 

Felix nodded slowly, twisting in his father's arms to keep sight of Glenn as he walked over, Sylvain on his heels.

A phone started to ring, and he was set down on the ground in front of the two older boys.

"I have to take this call," his father said, pulling his sleeve out of Felix's grasp and dipping into a pocket to retrieve the device. He sent a pointed look to Glenn. "Make sure he gets some sleep." With that, he stood, answering the call as he left the room.

"I'm not tired." Felix muttered, fists clenched a his sides as he stared at Sylvain's feet.

"Whatever you say, Fe." Glenn said, taking Felix's hand. 

Sylvain took the lead up to Felix's room, pausing at the base of the stairs to wait for the brothers. 

"So what story d'you wanna hear?" Glenn asked, taking the steps one at a time so Felix could keep up. 

Felix sniffed, wiping at his nose with his free sleeve and tracking Sylvain's heels up the stairs. "The-" he frowned, "the one with the dragons. And the knights and magic."

"The one with a bunch of lady knights?" Sylvain said. Felix looked up, seeing his grin, before ducking his head again.

"I don't care about them," he mumbled, tightening his grip on Glenn's hand as they reached the landing. "I just like the- the-" he paused, trying to remember the word.

"Paladin?" Glenn prompted. Felix nodded. 

"Yeah, his magic weapon is pretty cool," Sylvain said, as they entered the bedroom. "Do you want me to read his parts?"

Felix wrinkled his nose, before sniffling again as he clambered up onto his bed. "Only Glenn. He does voices."

Glenn nodded, grabbing the book off the bedside table and sitting on the bed. Sylvain followed suit, resting with his back against the headboard. Felix curled up at his side, playing with the teal of Sylvain's sleeve. 

"Alright, where were we?" Glenn began, cracking open the book. " _Kyphon's blade hummed like the wind..._ "

Felix was asleep before the end of the chapter, cheek pressed to Sylvain's shoulder.

* * *

_Variant 39877, Day 6351_

"Your father obviously doesn't care enough if he sent my old man to retrieve it instead of coming here himself," Felix complained as soon as he set foot in Sylvain's room.

"Yeah, well, that's the Margrave for you." Sylvain said, playing with the cuff of his uniform distractedly. 

"It's a _Relic,_ " Felix stressed, throwing himself down on Sylvain's bed.

"Hey- shoes off my bed!"

Felix shifted so his feet hung over the edge, and Sylvain went back to fiddling with his jacket, this time worrying a button.

"You've obviously not taking this well," Felix said, eyes tracing a crack in the ceiling, "I can go talk to Aelyth, get them to take you off the mission--"

"No!" Sylvain said sharply, and Felix's gaze snapped over to him, eyebrows raised in concern. Sylvain gave him a wobbly smile. "...No. I'm fine. I'll be okay."

Felix sat up again, leaning forward and setting his forearms on his knees. "Sylvain... it's okay if you..." he hesitated, wincing at his own words. "I'm not good with this whole comforting thing, forget it."

Sylvain breathed out a weak laugh, dropping to sit next to Felix on the bed. "You never have been," he said, picking at the blanket now, "but... thanks." 

"For what?"

"Trying," Sylvain shrugged, giving Felix a half smile.

Felix pressed his own lips together in response, staring down at his clasped hands instead of Sylvain's face.

"It's disgusting," he said eventually.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," Felix fell backwards, legs still hanging over the edge of the bed, "the Lance of Ruin gets stolen, and he doesn't even send his own men after it. He asks for help from the Church, and _then_ he has the audacity to get my father to help? Just like him to send someone else to do his dirty work."

"Miklan's taken up base in Fraldarius territory, apparently," Sylvain said dully, "tactically speaking, it's a better idea for Rodrigue to be on offence, leaving my dad as defence, y'know?"

"It's still disgusting."

"Whatever. Miklan's gonna pay, regardless on who is on the other end of the blade."

Felix reached out, setting his hand on top of Sylvain's to stop him from pulling at a loose thread in his blanket. Sylvain turned to look at him, brown eyes wide. "Can you stomach the idea of killing your own kin?" he said quietly, and Sylvain's eyes immediately started to water. 

"He tried to kill me enough times when we were young," Sylvain whispered, bringing his other hand up to swipe at his eyes, blinking rapidly. "Guess I had to return the favour someday."

(Felix had been too busy sparring with Dimitri and Glenn to notice that Sylvain had been missing for hours.

He would never lost the image of Sylvain, bruised and bloody, fingernails torn from scrambling for purchase down a slippery well. 

When they had found him, Felix had refused to leave his side for a week, casting a suspicious eye at anyone who approached the pair.

Glenn called it foolish. Ingrid called it cute.)

"He's not kin anymore, in any case," Sylvain said, voice strained, "hasn't been for a long time."

Without another word, Felix held out his arms, letting Sylvain fall into them as he let out a choked sob.

Felix had lost his brother four years ago, in the Tragedy of Duscur.

Sylvain had lost his brother as soon as his Crest emerged, too young to remember a time before it all went wrong.

* * *

_Variant 4833333, Day 5301_

Felix was sick of living in someone's shadow, but with every glance he threw to a mirror, he realised it wasn't so much a shadow but a complete reflection. 

He never met Ingrid's eyes anymore. Any argument they had was barbed with Glenn's name, both of them bringing him up to hurt the other.

His family - friends - _everyone -_ avoided meeting his eyes.

Everyone except Sylvain, who made every effort to meet his gaze.

* * *

_Variant 11612, Day 8187_

"Felix!" Annette called as soon as he was within sight, waving from out front of their selected cafe. Mercedes clung to her free arm, holding an umbrella over the two of them. 

Felix raised his own hand in greeting, before following the movement through to pause his music and pull out his earbuds. 

"Hi, hi!" Annette grinned when he reached them.

"Hey," he replied, "you didn't need to wait out here for me."

"Nonsense," Mercedes said, her usual soft smile crinkling at the corners of her eyes.

"I got some cute photos of Mercie so I'll forgive you for being late," Annette teased, before catching sight of the bottle in Felix's hand. "I thought you didn't like sweet things."

"Lysithea got me hooked on this one, shut up." he mumbled, casting a glance around. "So where's the other guy?"

"Late - later than you," Annette waved a hand about, "he said to start without him, but that's not how double dates work."

"So? He said it was fine, let's go inside." Felix made to move to the door, but Annette caught his arm.

"Don't be rude!" she exclaimed. "Look, they have an awning, we can sit out of the rain."

Felix reluctantly agreed, sitting down and folding his arms. "So give me the rundown of this dude."

Mercedes sat primly down across from him, folding up the umbrella and shaking droplets from it.

The umbrella was teal, just like his- 

_Whose_?

He was startled out of it as Annette set down a third chair, taken from a neighbouring table. 

"His name is Sylvain," Mercedes said as Annette flopped down in the chair, lacing their fingers together, "he's twenty-four, and one of my friends from high school."

Why did the name sound so familiar?

"He's also a raging bisexual, like Mercie!" Annette giggled. 

Mercedes nodded. 'Yes, W-L-W M-L-M solidarity."

Felix bit back a laugh at that, the phrase entirely unexpected from Mercedes with her soft voice and gentle smile.

"Anyways, he may _seem_ like a massive flirt, but he's genuine, and actually a really nice guy," Annette continued, "I've met him a few times, and he helped me with my uni work once. Helped me get a high distinction."

Not that Annette needed help achieving high grades. She was the most diligent worker Felix knew, and he couldn't recall a single time she got a low mark.

"So why him?" Felix said, leaning back in his chair and unscrewing the cap of his iced coffee.

* * *

_Variant 49274, Day 4903_

"Why are you even here?" Sylvain asked, flopping down on his bed, tossing an apple in the air and catching it. Felix scowled, folding his arms and leaning against the door frame.

"'s nothing." he muttered, blinking against the itch of his nose.

It had been three months. Three months since Duscur, since Glenn was taken from Felix's life.

Three months and he still hoped it was an elaborate prank, that he would jump out from behind a pillar with a grin, calling Felix a fool for ever doubting him.

He still turned to look over his shoulder when he was training, expecting his brother to be there, watching.

Sylvain raised an eyebrow, not actually turning to watch Felix. "So for no reason whatsoever, you rode out to the Gautier estate, alone, without writing ahead, just to see me?" He tossed the apple in the air again.

"I- I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay," he shrugged with one shoulder, "we don't have to. But at least come sit down, you look awkward standing in the doorway."

Felix snorted, turning his face away. "Do you say that to every girl you get up here?"

"Just the shy ones," Sylvain shrugged again. He tossed and caught the apple again, rolling over onto his side and patting the bed next to him. "C'mon, I can get someone to send up some cake."

"I don't like sweets." Felix mumbled, still fighting off tears.

It was just an argument.

Fraldarius men always said things they came to regret when they were angry.

("Don't sugarcoat it," he had sneered, grip tightening on the training sword in his hand. "I don't like sweets and sweet words are just as bad."

"Glenn always said the same th-"

"Stop comparing me to him! I'm not Glenn!")

"Don't care," Sylvain said, "it looks like you need it."

Felix made to let out a huff of dry laughter, but ended up with a choked sob. Sylvain's eyes widened. "Woah - woah, hey, Fe, are you good?"

Felix didn't answer, throwing himself at Sylvain, who only just managed to bring his arms up to catch him.

("I would rather live without honour than _die--_ "

"Your brother held onto his ideals until the bitter end, don't you-"

"You take more pride in knowing he fell in service to the King than you do to anything he ever achieved in life!")

"I hate my father." Felix said sometime later, flat on his back and exhausted from crying.

"I think it's a part of growing up," Sylvain said from next to him. There was a rustle as he presumably shifted to look at Felix, but he was too tired to do the same. "When you're a kid, you put everyone on a pedestal, so high you can't see their flaws. It's only later, when you're older, that you see them."

Felix let out a bitter laugh, the noise raw in his throat. "Or you never see them at all."

("I will never be the perfect knight Glenn was, so _stop comparing me to him_!")

"You'll always see them, in the end," Sylvain said, and Felix finally turned his head to meet with his gaze. "People are defined by their flaws."

Glenn was defined by his death, the only black mark on his shining silver armour.

Felix was defined by his family.

At least in that regard, he and Sylvain were the same.

Felix brushed his pinkie against Sylvain's, turning to stare at the ceiling again. In the corner of his eye, Sylvain did the same, linking their pinkies on the bed between them.

* * *

_Variant 7445, Day 4802_

Glenn was gone.

Felix's father hadn't left his study in days, not since the news came. 

Not since Glenn's armour returned, empty, wrapped in a shroud.

Felix had snapped three blades already, throwing himself into training.

If he slowed down for even a moment, his thoughts would lead back to his brother, back to the news. 

He hadn't slept. He couldn't rest, couldn't stop.

He had never managed to beat Glenn in a fight. Now he never would.

("Fight me when you get back?"

"Of course. I want to see how strong you've gotten.")

Felix let out a wordless yell, swinging his training sword as hard as he could. It made a cracking noise when it connected with the dummy, and he was left with only the hilt in his hand, blade clattering to the ground.

Yelling again, he whirled on his heel, hurling the hilt across the training ground. 

It never hit the ground.

"Woah," Sylvain said, waving his hand in the air in an attempt to ease the pain of catching it, "you've got a strong throwing arm."

Felix strode over to the weapon rack, pulling out another sword. "You should be in Fhirdiad," he said, giving the blade a few test swings, more forceful than what was necessary. "With Dimitri."

Sylvain came up next to him, resting the broken hilt on top of the rack with a deep sigh. "Maybe," he said, pulling out a lance, "but I figured, he's got a whole palace of people helping him get through. Not to sound rude, but I didn't think your father would be in the right mind to look out for the both of you."

He was right, as always. 

Felix marched back out to the centre of the grounds, shifting into a combat stance. "Are you going to fight me or not?"

Sylvain didn't waste another breath, lowering his lance into position. 

He didn't go easy on Felix, which was exactly what he wanted. The two danced across the training grounds, exchanging blows. Felix was more experienced in fighting Dimitri and Glenn-

He faltered, and Sylvain seized the opportunity to disarm him, the sword flying out of his hand and hitting the ground a few feet away. He levelled the tip of his lance at Felix's chest, his own heaving at the exertion. 

"You let me win," he noted, bringing his lance back down and leaning on it. 

Felix didn't reply, walking over to his sword and picking it back up. 

"Again," he said, and Sylvain shook his head. " _Again."_

Sylvain shook his head again, crease between his eyebrows as he smiled, brown eyes full of a pain Felix knew too well.

"Come on - fight me!"

"No." Sylvain's voice was gentle.

" _Fight me_!" Felix yelled, swinging his sword at Sylvain hard enough to create a whistling noise as it cut through the air. Sylvain blocked the blow, but didn't retaliate.

"Why won't you _fight me_?" He yelled again, launching into a series of attacks. Sylvain blocked and dodged, but never fought back.

"You have to stop sometime, Felix."

"No! I won't! I _can't_!" He punctuated each word with another strike, trying to ignore the heat building up in his eyes, in his throat.

Sylvain kept giving him that sad smile, blocking and dodging.

"I don't want your pity!" Felix screamed, and the shaft of the lance splintered between Sylvain's hands. Another hit, and it broke, Sylvain dropping the fragments to the ground. He dodged the next attack, before standing still, unarmed, hands down by his side.

Felix made to strike again, but stopped, sword millimetres from Sylvain's neck. 

"Why?" he whispered, voice trembling as the first tears fell onto his cheeks. " _Why_?"

Sylvain stepped forward, arms wrapping around Felix.

Felix's grip on his sword loosened, letting it clatter onto the ground as he buried his face into Sylvain's chest.

* * *

_Variant 4309587, Day 9002_

"I am _so_ sorry," the man said, "I can't even - how much is it gonna cost to - I'm -"

"It's fine," Felix said dully, staring at the front of his car, panels twisted and dented.

It was not fine.

This was Glenn's car. It was the last thing he had of his brother. This level of damage was probably a write-off.

"I'm just - Goddess, I didn't-"

"It's not your fault," Felix cut him off, "I'm sure your car actually took more damage than mine."

"Yeah, but my dad'll pay for it - I just - I'm sorry."

Someone had driven into the back of Felix, pushing his car into the back of someone else's. He wasn't hurt, neither of them were. But the dude had driven off immediately, leaving them on the side of the road to assess the damages on their own.

They hadn't even gotten their license plate. 

"Guess we're stuck here, though," the man said, pushing his fringe back from his face and sitting on the curb, "So, what's your name, stranger?"

"Felix."

"Cool, nice to meet you," he grinned, tired but genuine, "I'm Sylvain."

* * *

_V_ _ariant 86798, Day 3865_

"Do you ever get jealous?" Felix asked the night Glenn was knighted, the two of them sitting out in the gardens of the Fraldarius estate to hide from the party.

"Of what?"

Felix waved a hand around aimlessly. "Of Glenn. Of me. Do you hate me for having a good relationship with my brother?"

A rousing cheer started behind them, carrying through the open doors and into the chilled night air. Felix ignored it in favour of looking upwards, peering at the stars through the clouds.

"Should I?" Sylvain's voice was light, as if he wasn't taking the question seriously. In any other situation, Felix would have glared at him, but tonight he kept his eyes on the sky. "I mean, yeah - it would be nice to be able to hang out with my brother without him trying to kill me every five minutes, but there's no point being jealous because you get that."

Felix was quiet for a moment, watching a cloud pass over the brightest star above them. "I would've hated you if our roles were reversed," he said.

Beside him, Sylvain let out a laugh. "I don't doubt that," he said, "I'm already insufferable - imagine if there was two of me."

"I'd rather not."

" _Exactly,_ " Sylvain knocked his shoulder into Felix's lightly, grinning when he looked over to him.

"You know he's only got a Minor Crest, right?" Felix said, averting his eyes and picking a leaf off the ground. He started tearing it to shreds, letting the pieces fall from his hands and into his lap. "And I've got a Major."

"So it speaks volumes of who he is that he doesn't hold anything against you for it." Sylvain said. 

"Miklan shouldn't hold it against _you_ though," Felix pointed out, snatching up another leaf, "you didn't ask to be born with one."

"I know."

"Y'know, something's been bothering me for a while..." Felix said after a lull in the conversation, flicking his eyes back over to Sylvain, hands still busy.

"Hm?" Sylvain leaned back on his hands, red hair a halo in the light filtering from the doors.

Felix opened his mouth to speak, only to be cut off by his father.

"Felix? Felix, come back inside, congratulate your brother!"

He rolled his eyes, flicking the tiny leaf shreds accumulating in his lap onto Sylvain before slowly getting to his feet. "Not like I haven't done that five times already..." he muttered, before looking to Sylvain expectantly. 

"Come on," he said, holding out a hand, "I probably won't be able to leave the party again, and you at least make things entertaining."

"You love me," Sylvain grinned, grabbing Felix's hand.

"Don't push it," Felix said, letting go just before Sylvain was standing fully so he stumbled, "now let's go, Ingrid's gonna be mad we left her behind."

* * *

_Variant 34, Day 6248_

"I'm not coming back," Felix said, voice too quiet to carry off into the night, "I won't serve the Boar."

He knew who stood behind him. It was always him.

"So what, you're just going to run away into the night?"

Felix didn't turn around, lifting his bag higher onto his shoulder. "If that's what it takes to stop people from following."

"Tell me why I shouldn't follow you."

Felix sighed, the exhale a half growl. "Sylvain-"

"What? Why shouldn't I go with you?"

"I'm betraying Faerghus and you still ask me that?" Felix let out a broken laugh, turning his face up to the night sky. It was a clear night, no cloud cover to save them from the chill.

"... Is it betrayal or abandonment?" Sylvain asked after a moment, "are you joining the Empire in this war?"

"It doesn't matter. I'm a coward either way." 

"I just want to know if I will have to face you on a battlefield!" Sylvain burst out. "Sorry- that- that was..."

Felix closed his eyes against the moonlight. The moon was the same, no matter where in Fódlan they were, but somehow, it seemed wrong tonight - a silent judge instead of a guardian.

If he turned around now, he would lose his resolve.

"We promised we would die together," Sylvain said quietly, "do you remember that?"

Felix let out a long breath, opening his eyes again. "I remember."

"So let me come with you."

"I can't."

His whisper barely reached his own ears as he walked away.

* * *

_Variant 223, Day 2093_

"I'm gonna kill him." Felix seethed in Glenn's arms, bundled up against the wind as they rode out to Gautier House.

"So you've said," Glenn replied drily, "about twenty times, by my guess."

"Well, it's true!"

"That may be so, but next time you say it, I'm throwing you off Ethlyn."

They rode in silence for a few minutes.

"I'm gonna kill him, bring him back to life, and then kill him again."

"Felix," Glenn said, and Felix craned his neck to see his brother's face. If anything, he just looked tired. "How about you worry about Sylvain, and I deal with Miklan?"

Felix sulked, leaning back into his brother's chest and burying his face in the fur he was wrapped in.

"You know," Glenn started, and Felix grunted in acknowledgement, not moving, "I'm surprised Father let us go alone."

"What do you mean?" Felix's words were muffled into the fur, and he pulled back again to look at Glenn in confusion.

"It's the middle of winter, the worst one in years," he took a hand off the reins, pulling his hood further forward.

"So?"

"So, when we got the news about Sylvain, I figured we would set out after a few days, writing ahead to say we were coming," Glenn continued. He sighed. "Should've known you wouldn't settle for that."

"He promised," Felix shrugged, letting Glenn wrap his now free arm around his middle, "I'm not leaving until he's better."

Glenn hummed. "This will be the first time you stay without us," he said, "are you sure you're going to be alright?"

"As long as Sylvain is."

Glenn nodded, resting his chin on Felix's hair. "Father said for me to come straight home, so I'm not waiting around, okay?"

"Okay."

The wind whistled past them as they rode, and Felix buried himself in the furs again.

Several minutes went by.

"I'm gonna kill him."

Glenn sighed. "And the only reason I'm not throwing you off Ethlyn is that we're about ten minutes out from Gautier House."

True to his word, they arrived, Glenn helping Felix down from the horse, handing his small bag to a servant. "Be good. No murder."

Felix nodded solemnly, shifting from foot to foot.

Glenn rolled his eyes, knowing that Felix wanted to run up to see Sylvain as soon as possible. "Go."

He didn't need to be told twice.

"Hey," Sylvain croaked out from underneath a pile of blankets and furs, fire blazing in the hearth, "long time no see."

"Idiot." Felix shot back, readjusting a fur that was slipping, before pulling a chair over to the side of the bed. 

Sylvain smiled from inside his pile, though the expression didn't quite reach his eyes, shadows underneath them deep and purple. "'S not my fault this time."

"I know, I know..." Felix pulled off his cloak, throwing it on top of Sylvain. "I'm gonna kill him."

Sylvain attempted a smile again, and Felix flicked his forehead. "Don't do that, you've split your lip," he said, grabbing a handkerchief off the bedside table and swiping at Sylvain's bottom lip - more gentle than he usually would.

"Don't go breaking our promise," he said quietly.

Seeing Sylvain like this - beaten down and ghostly pale - shook Felix to the core. He'd nearly lost his best friend, all because he happened to be born with something he couldn't control.

Felix was so lucky to have a brother that cared for him - that wanted him around. Glenn _cared_ about Felix. The same could not be said for the Gautier brothers.

("Crests are important, Felix," Glenn had said once, moving through his sword forms with neat precision, "Sylvain's brother doesn't have one. He will never be in charge of Gautier. You and Sylvain are gonna be in charge."

"You have a Crest, though."

"Yeah, but I wanna be a knight. And that means giving up my claim as heir.")

"Fe?"

Felix's attention snapped back to Sylvain, realising that he had zoned out midway through dabbing away blood from Sylvain's cracked lips. His hand was shaking.

"Don't cry."

"Shut up," he said, furiously swiping at his eyes. "I'm not crying."

* * *

_Variant 11612, Day 8187_

"Felix," Annette said after a moment where she looked him up and down with a scrutinising gaze, "I don't think you have any friends."

"Of course I do," he retorted.

Annette raised an eyebrow in silence.

"Mercedes."

"She's my girlfriend, that doesn't count," Annette said, rolling her eyes. Mercedes giggled, raising their linked hands to her lips.

"... you."

"Once again, doesn't count. I'm asking you the question so I'm exempt from it."

"Lysithea?"

"Which brings your grand total to one," Annette said, "though you don't sound so sure on that answer."

"What are you even trying to say?" Felix frowned, drumming his fingers on the edge of the table.

"Hey there! Can I get you anything?"

"Oh! We're still waiting on someone, if you don't mind," Annette said, "we'll come inside and order at the counter when we're ready."

"Sure thing!" the waitress nodded, ducking inside again.

"What we're saying," Mercedes said gently, continuing the conversation from before they were interrupted, "is that it'll be good for you to get more friends."

Felix scoffed, unscrewing the cap of his iced coffee.

"We're being serious!" Annette said, puffing out her cheeks childishly. "at least try with Sylvain?"

"I've told you before, I'm not interested in dating."

"Alright," Mercedes said, "so think of this as meeting our friend instead of a date."

"Ridiculous," Felix muttered, before tipping his head back and sculling the rest of his drink.

If Annette and Mercedes exchanged a look while he did, he didn't care.

"Sorry I'm late, Merce. Ann."

Felix felt his shoulders stiffen at the voice behind him, the dull ache that had been resting in his chest blooming.

"Sylvain, there you are!" Annette said cheerfully, waving. "Pull up a chair."

There was an awful scraping noise a Sylvain dragged a seat over, flopping down in it next to Felix.

"Hey, do I know you?"

Felix paused, before finally turning his head to look at Sylvain.

* * *

_Variant 1, Day 1871_

"Promise we'll be together forever?" Felix sniffled, pressing his forehead against Sylvain's neck. Sylvain pat Felix on the back, wriggling a little to sit more comfortably on the bed, back against the headboard.

Sylvain nodded a little, nose brushing against Felix's hair. "Of course," he said.

Felix leaned back to stare at him, wiping tears off his cheeks. "You- you gotta actually promise."

Sylvain nodded again, face solemn in a way only children could manage. He held out a pinkie, and Felix linked his own around it. "Forever."

"I'm being serious," Felix said, refusing to let go after they shook on it, "you can't die before me."

Sylvain let out a startled laugh at that, and Felix pouted. "Sorry - it's just, that's kinda dramatic, don't you think?"

Felix wrinkled his nose. "No it isn't. Glenn and Ingrid are gonna die together."

"They're gonna get married, that's different."

Felix whined, shoving Sylvain's shoulder. "You already promised though," he said, "you can't break a pinkie promise."

"I can't," Sylvain agreed, "so how about it? Are you ready to head back out? Dimitri's had enough time to burn off his anger."

Felix shook his head, before leaning in and collapsing on top of Sylvain again. "Can we stay here a little longer?"

"We can do that."

* * *

_Variant 11612, Day 8187_

Sylvain gave an easy smile, leaning back in his chair and slinging one arm over the back of it. He pushed his fringe back with his free hand, damp from his walk in the rain to the date.

"Sorry," he said, tilting his head as he looked Felix over, "it's just, I think we've met before?"

A lifetime ago, Felix would have said yes.

_Yes, we have met before. Yes, I know you. Yes, yes, yes._

A lifetime ago, he knew Sylvain. He knew those golden brown eyes, the easy smile that hid so much. He knew that red hair, how it fell and framed his face. He knew those arms, those hands, those fingers. He knew that voice, the ups and downs in tone that betrayed every emotion.

The man in front of him was a stranger, wearing a face that he knew.

"No," Felix said, dropping his gaze to the table. His voice was so quiet he doubted any of them heard it over the rain as it started to fall harder, turning the pavement dark. 

"No, we haven't."

**Author's Note:**

> the title is from "Your Ex-Lover is Dead" by Stars, which was a massive inspo for the variant 11612 sections, along with the general vibe of Your Name aaah
> 
> if you wanna know what songs i was listening/crying to when writing this, hmu


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